I learned a very important lesson last night: Don't buy things you can't read. I was seduced by thin, chocolate-looking, scalloped-edged cookies. After a hard first day back at work after vacation, I sat down with a cup of tea and the cookies.
The brand is U(with an umlaut)lker and they are Kakaolu Bisku ('nother umlaut)vi.
With great anticipation, I decided to try the top broken cookie. And they taste like .......... nothing. That's right, nothing. Although they do have a nice crunch so I decided to dunk them. Ahhh ... that was good.
You have to use a proper dunking technique: dunk, twist, lift. That ensures that the soggy part of the cookie makes it to your mouth. I enjoyed a nice couple of cookies, but then I got cocky and delayed too long between twist and lift. Yuck. Cookie matter floated in my tea. I survived, but barely.
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So tonight after work, I go to pick up essentials such as dish washing soap. Bummer, eh? Anyway, I hand the card to the cashier. Our local supermarket hands out variously colored "coins" which get you money off future purchases. But to "earn" a coin, you press a game after they swipe your card and it's random as to whether you get a coin. I pressed "play" and it said ENTER YOUR PHONE NUMBER TO FIND CARD. I asked the cashier why it said that. She said, "Because your card is expired." It's a silver card and the silver coins are supposed to go right to the card.
The last time I was there, I threw out the other card because they told me it wouldn't work since I had a silver card. So I said to her, "How do I get this card un-expired?" She said, "It costs $20."
Now I know for a fact that I never paid $20 for the card -- but one day they gave it to me for free. I kept saying no, I don't want to pay $20 and, apparently, so did a lot of other people. "I threw out the old card because they told me it didn't work because I had this card."
"You mean the flag card?" she asked.(The other card had an American flag pattern on it.) "Yes, I said, " I threw that one out because they told me it didn't work any more." At this point, I was ready to become violent. "Will they give me a new flag card at the desk over there?"
"You don't need it!" she said, "because this one works. You just won't get the silver coins automatically."
Now is it me or does "expired" mean it won't work? Apparently, not in this situation. Sigh. I really, really hope that this young lady is not going to school to become a brain surgeon.
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I answered the phone yesterday.
"Do you have a Joyce (not her real name) who works there and is in charge of buildings?"
"No."
"Well, let me tell you why I'm calling. I'm in charge of planning a party and we want to know if we can rent your back yard for the pony we're going to have. Can we do that?"
[While not a huge library, the Jones Library IS in the middle of Town and "the back yard" is a memorial garden lovingly constructed by a widow with a lot of money and knowledge of rare plants and trees. The thought of a pony calming munching on blooms surrounded by many vinca trampling rug rats appeared in my brain.]
"No!"
After further conversation, I realized that she should have called the Bangs Center because the Town owns the building and property of the Munson Memorial Library -- we just rent the library space. This person had garbled the information and Joyce actually works at the Bangs and books the hall (notice I did not say yard) for the Munson.
After she hung up, I wondered who would be the pooper scooper for the pony. I sure hope that isn't what they mean by "Other duties as assigned," which is on the bottom of every Town job description.
******************************************************************
Two people told me today that there is a bobcat living in South Amherst. I live in South Amherst, but this guy was spotted couple of miles east of here. Anyway, it's salamander season and another phone call (not to me) began with, "Where do I let it go?!?" Upon hearing this, I wondered if she meant her temper, her flatulence, or what? Turns out, she was talking about a salamander.
Put him near the tunnel! Yes, we do have a salamander tunnel. But I digress ... really, there is a train of thought here. It's the tracks that are convoluted. IF the woman put the salamander in eastern south Amherst and the bobcat ate him, the bobcat could be enjoying an old standard: surf and turf!
Phew. It took a while to get there, didn't it?
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O.k. I'm going to go now and eat the chili I just made. I'm putting some salsa picante on it. I know what that means: yum!
Tuesday, April 29, 2014
Friday, April 18, 2014
Palm Springs, I Love You
So last Wednesday was one of the landscapers' days. I hear a roar and Mom says, "Is that a plane?" It was Miguel or Jose, I couldn't tell because he had a full face mask and sun hat, roaring around in a little truck with a tank on it. Since he had a full hazmat suit on (as Dave Barry says, I'm not making this up!), I screamed, "Close the doors!" Mom has a floor to ceiling sliding glass door looking out into the common area which was about to be sprayed with gene busting chemicals. Let us mark this down as the only time my mother did what she was told. (Don't beat me, Momma, I still love you.)
*****************************************************************
The evening news is on and since Easter falls on 4-20, a local burger purveyor has changed his ad a bit. (Apparently, 420 is a reference to marijuana.) He is selling a God Burger and on Easter, you buy one and get one free. So this year's traditional picture of Jesus holding the burger is also holding a joint. The store owner say, "If he was holding a chalice of wine, you wouldn't be here talking to me."
Well, I don't know about that. Do we have it on good authority that Jesus ate burgers? I know for a fact that he didn't eat cheeseburgers! No self respecting Jew would.
*****************************************************************
The news also informed us that the Honey Baked Ham store had a line out the door and around the block with people picking up over 500 hams. They expected to sell more tomorrow. Who knew, first of all, that there is a whole store with nothing but Homey Baked Hams? Secondly, how do they survive when it's not Easter?
******************************************************************
Everybody keeps asking what my plans are while I'm here. Here it is: nothing. I'm having a great time doing nothing. Although, as you may have noticed, I love observing people and things.
The other day, we brought Mom's car to the car wash. That always fascinates me when I'm here because they run the car through a quick wash and then many handsome Mexican guys swarm all over the vehicle like scrubbing and drying bees making honey. It's a grand sight to behold (two or more cars are done at a time) as you recline in a chair next to the fountain, surrounded by blooming flowers. The cars are under a shade and the outdoor patio is shaded. It's like being at a mini resort where they take care of your car.
When we got there, they always try to up-sell you. "You need a full detail," the first guy said. "Oh, I don't have time for that," Mom replied. The second guy said, "How much time you got?" I laughed, but as we walked away, Mom told me that a full detail takes all day and costs about $300. Holy crow! For $300 I think they should throw in a day at that Spa (Agua Caliente, aka Hot Springs) and lunch!
*******************************************************************
We can hear lots of sirens tonight. It's the second weekend of the Coachella Music Festival. They had one young attendee die from suspected alcohol and illegal drug poisoning. Let's hope there are not more. They expected 10,000 people. Needless to say, we ate at home tonight. (Yesterday we had dinner at the Camelot Theatre -- no show, just dinner.)
*******************************************************************
I was deeply saddened to break the strap on my gold lame sandals so we went to Marshall's to replace them. I was delighted to get gold sneakers and some strappy sandals that were adequate. I got a purse which Mom declared won't "go" with anything but I like it. I nearly swallowed my tongue when the cashier said, "That will be $125 please." It turns out the adequate sandals were $49.95! It never occurred to me! The cashier said huffily, "Well, they are Coach sandals." At Marshalls no less. I put the sandals back.
********************************************************************
There are LOTS of ads for plastic surgery here. The last ad on tv promised to melt fat away. Do you slosh when you get up off the table?
*****************************************************************
The evening news is on and since Easter falls on 4-20, a local burger purveyor has changed his ad a bit. (Apparently, 420 is a reference to marijuana.) He is selling a God Burger and on Easter, you buy one and get one free. So this year's traditional picture of Jesus holding the burger is also holding a joint. The store owner say, "If he was holding a chalice of wine, you wouldn't be here talking to me."
Well, I don't know about that. Do we have it on good authority that Jesus ate burgers? I know for a fact that he didn't eat cheeseburgers! No self respecting Jew would.
*****************************************************************
The news also informed us that the Honey Baked Ham store had a line out the door and around the block with people picking up over 500 hams. They expected to sell more tomorrow. Who knew, first of all, that there is a whole store with nothing but Homey Baked Hams? Secondly, how do they survive when it's not Easter?
******************************************************************
Everybody keeps asking what my plans are while I'm here. Here it is: nothing. I'm having a great time doing nothing. Although, as you may have noticed, I love observing people and things.
The other day, we brought Mom's car to the car wash. That always fascinates me when I'm here because they run the car through a quick wash and then many handsome Mexican guys swarm all over the vehicle like scrubbing and drying bees making honey. It's a grand sight to behold (two or more cars are done at a time) as you recline in a chair next to the fountain, surrounded by blooming flowers. The cars are under a shade and the outdoor patio is shaded. It's like being at a mini resort where they take care of your car.
When we got there, they always try to up-sell you. "You need a full detail," the first guy said. "Oh, I don't have time for that," Mom replied. The second guy said, "How much time you got?" I laughed, but as we walked away, Mom told me that a full detail takes all day and costs about $300. Holy crow! For $300 I think they should throw in a day at that Spa (Agua Caliente, aka Hot Springs) and lunch!
*******************************************************************
We can hear lots of sirens tonight. It's the second weekend of the Coachella Music Festival. They had one young attendee die from suspected alcohol and illegal drug poisoning. Let's hope there are not more. They expected 10,000 people. Needless to say, we ate at home tonight. (Yesterday we had dinner at the Camelot Theatre -- no show, just dinner.)
*******************************************************************
I was deeply saddened to break the strap on my gold lame sandals so we went to Marshall's to replace them. I was delighted to get gold sneakers and some strappy sandals that were adequate. I got a purse which Mom declared won't "go" with anything but I like it. I nearly swallowed my tongue when the cashier said, "That will be $125 please." It turns out the adequate sandals were $49.95! It never occurred to me! The cashier said huffily, "Well, they are Coach sandals." At Marshalls no less. I put the sandals back.
********************************************************************
There are LOTS of ads for plastic surgery here. The last ad on tv promised to melt fat away. Do you slosh when you get up off the table?
Wednesday, April 9, 2014
Is It Thursday Already?
More on the Blog About Nothing ...
Today's the day, the culmination of six months of planning. The Sammy Awards (first ever!) are tonight. It has been paperwork mayhem. O.k., o.k., pushing papers is what I do. But triple the usual amount and you get the idea.
So I've been tracking every ticket sold and for the first month, it was only $100 tickets. After April 1, there were $40 tickets, but for $40 you don't get a giclee of an original painting of Sammy the Owl numbered and signed by the artist, Tony DiTerlizzi.
Easy you say? Ha! Well, it was ... Today, somebody had the bright idea of adding emails to the master ticket list. The list had the ticket number, person's name in two fields, if the ticket was mailed, how much, how they paid, etc. So the boss alphabetized the list and we set a volunteer to typing in the emails (given to us by the participant). Luckily, the retired volunteer has eagle eyes and noticed that the lines weren't reading across correctly. The boss was going to "undo" and re-alphabetize when she noticed the amount paid for someone she knew was wrong and she said, "I'm worried." Knowing full well that I had entered the correct amounts (because I knew that person too), I went back to my desk where the original list was correct. In other words, the list the volunteer was using was completely FUBAR. We finally figured out it was because I had frozen the panes in Excel in order to continue to be able to read the headings after scrolling down 180 lines. The boss knows how to alphabetize a whole row of columns (I didn't), but she doesn't know how to freeze panes (I do). I think we have that second list on the right path, but I'll tell ya, I'm still keeping my master list pristine. We'll need it (alphabetized) at the door and the email addys won't be needed there.
Lisa and I have packed up everything we need to bring and that includes a zillion t-shirts and bags for them. If you buy a t-shirt, Tony will autograph them. So, of course, we're bringing fabric markers, special markers for the art, signs, cash boxes, cash banks for the boxes, scissors, tape ... well, you get the idea. It's like camping but we won't have to pee in the woods.
Finally at 5 p.m. tonight, I left work totally spent. All of us have been in high gear for two solid weeks. Anyway, I went to the supermarket and ordered fish and chips to go. I was disappointed that my favorite young cook/fish monger wasn't there. He's a 'long drink of water' as my grandmother used to say and, man, can he cook fish! He's also nice and friendly. Instead there was a very gloomy guy who waited on the woman (who was scowling) in front of me and quickly turned to me. I could barely hear his one word: o.k. Wandering around the supermarket for the obligatory ten minutes I debated whether I should be annoyed. Deciding that I was too tired to be annoyed I went in search of a treat for Lisa's and my lunch. A mini chocolate cake seemed to fill the bill and I know Sharon will like it when she comes to my house to change into her fancy dress before the Sammys.
Getting back to the fish counter, grumpy lady got her order and the guy slung my bag on the counter and turned away without even looking at me. He went back to the cooking area and I called out, "Thank you!" He looked at me and smiled, saying, "You're welcome." I hope I wasn't the first one to acknowledge him and his work.
The cook/fish monger was the first time I had seen a black person working in that store. Meanwhile, as I waited for the fish to cook, the Asian sushi chef -- a young kid -- was complaining bitterly to a white woman about the working conditions. Maybe diversity isn't going so well there??
*************************************************************************
It has finally dawned on me why I feel so lousy -- it's spring. I've got spring fever which for me means itchy watery eyes, headache, snarfly nose, etc. Darn! I wanted to enjoy those crocus without these symptoms. Oh yeah, I look in the mirror in the morning and I look like I've been up drinking all night. Those puffy eyes are very alluring. (Insert sarcasm font here.)
**************************************************************************
Patrons are getting just as much fun and as smiles out of my "chickened" office as I am. They are truly amazed by the plethora of chickens. They also are happy chickens.
Gotta go to bed. It's way late. Ciao.
Today's the day, the culmination of six months of planning. The Sammy Awards (first ever!) are tonight. It has been paperwork mayhem. O.k., o.k., pushing papers is what I do. But triple the usual amount and you get the idea.
So I've been tracking every ticket sold and for the first month, it was only $100 tickets. After April 1, there were $40 tickets, but for $40 you don't get a giclee of an original painting of Sammy the Owl numbered and signed by the artist, Tony DiTerlizzi.
Easy you say? Ha! Well, it was ... Today, somebody had the bright idea of adding emails to the master ticket list. The list had the ticket number, person's name in two fields, if the ticket was mailed, how much, how they paid, etc. So the boss alphabetized the list and we set a volunteer to typing in the emails (given to us by the participant). Luckily, the retired volunteer has eagle eyes and noticed that the lines weren't reading across correctly. The boss was going to "undo" and re-alphabetize when she noticed the amount paid for someone she knew was wrong and she said, "I'm worried." Knowing full well that I had entered the correct amounts (because I knew that person too), I went back to my desk where the original list was correct. In other words, the list the volunteer was using was completely FUBAR. We finally figured out it was because I had frozen the panes in Excel in order to continue to be able to read the headings after scrolling down 180 lines. The boss knows how to alphabetize a whole row of columns (I didn't), but she doesn't know how to freeze panes (I do). I think we have that second list on the right path, but I'll tell ya, I'm still keeping my master list pristine. We'll need it (alphabetized) at the door and the email addys won't be needed there.
Lisa and I have packed up everything we need to bring and that includes a zillion t-shirts and bags for them. If you buy a t-shirt, Tony will autograph them. So, of course, we're bringing fabric markers, special markers for the art, signs, cash boxes, cash banks for the boxes, scissors, tape ... well, you get the idea. It's like camping but we won't have to pee in the woods.
Finally at 5 p.m. tonight, I left work totally spent. All of us have been in high gear for two solid weeks. Anyway, I went to the supermarket and ordered fish and chips to go. I was disappointed that my favorite young cook/fish monger wasn't there. He's a 'long drink of water' as my grandmother used to say and, man, can he cook fish! He's also nice and friendly. Instead there was a very gloomy guy who waited on the woman (who was scowling) in front of me and quickly turned to me. I could barely hear his one word: o.k. Wandering around the supermarket for the obligatory ten minutes I debated whether I should be annoyed. Deciding that I was too tired to be annoyed I went in search of a treat for Lisa's and my lunch. A mini chocolate cake seemed to fill the bill and I know Sharon will like it when she comes to my house to change into her fancy dress before the Sammys.
Getting back to the fish counter, grumpy lady got her order and the guy slung my bag on the counter and turned away without even looking at me. He went back to the cooking area and I called out, "Thank you!" He looked at me and smiled, saying, "You're welcome." I hope I wasn't the first one to acknowledge him and his work.
The cook/fish monger was the first time I had seen a black person working in that store. Meanwhile, as I waited for the fish to cook, the Asian sushi chef -- a young kid -- was complaining bitterly to a white woman about the working conditions. Maybe diversity isn't going so well there??
*************************************************************************
It has finally dawned on me why I feel so lousy -- it's spring. I've got spring fever which for me means itchy watery eyes, headache, snarfly nose, etc. Darn! I wanted to enjoy those crocus without these symptoms. Oh yeah, I look in the mirror in the morning and I look like I've been up drinking all night. Those puffy eyes are very alluring. (Insert sarcasm font here.)
**************************************************************************
Patrons are getting just as much fun and as smiles out of my "chickened" office as I am. They are truly amazed by the plethora of chickens. They also are happy chickens.
Gotta go to bed. It's way late. Ciao.
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