Time Flies

As we all know, time flies when you're having fun! So I'll start with tonight and work backward (what else is new?).

I know, I know, no good deed goes unpunished. So I'm motoring down Rte. 91 heading to Costco to pick up lunch for 50 people. I offered to pick up the food for our union meeting tomorrow.

My phone rings and I can't hear a thing. It rings again and I can't hear anything. Meanwhile, I had already realized that if I dialed voice mail, I couldn't hear it. So my phone's fubar.

I get to Costco with my flyer which proclaims, "Get a $10 gift card from Costco if you re-up your membership before July 3." (See, Mom, I can remember some things -- I remembered to bring the coupon!) Mary takes my brand spanking new Costco Citi card which was activated yesterday.

"Oh! Your card has a stolen number."
"What? How can that be? Someone must have hacked into your system, I have never used this card before."
"You must have come here and reported your card stolen."
"No, I didn't."  

I'll spare you a bunch of frustrating dialogue, and say that I finally figured out that Mary was saying (without using words) that the Citi card people had put the wrong Costco account number on my new Costco charge card (they dropped Amex so we all had to change to this card).

After much button pushing and muttering, Mary tells me I have to call "them" to get them to fix the number. When I asked how come I had to call them when Costco had made the mistake she said,
"We don't talk to them. They made the mistake. You came in here and reported the card lost or stolen."

A light bulb goes on in my head, "I heard you the first time when you said that. I did not come here and report my Costco card stolen. A few months ago, I reported my Amex card stolen."
"That's when they put the wrong Costco number on your card. It will work on the register, don't worry."

She gives me the new number and I toddle off looking for pre-made sandwiches for 50.  You guessed it: they only had one kind of roll up that didn't look too fresh or sandwiches made with croissants. (I had those in Boston and they were awful.) So now I have to go look for the cold cuts and bread. I wouldn't have minded so much, but I had to get to the Library before they closed in order to put the food in the fridge there. Those potato salad buckets are BIG and would not have fit in my fridge.

I finally get to the register. The card does not work. I tell Nick my story. He's confused as to what he should do. I give him the correct "new" number. He punches a lot of buttons and gets the card to work. 

I zip to the Library and get there 4 minutes before 8 p.m. They close the lower level at 8. Jose, bless him, lets me use the elevator. I open the "recently" cleaned fridge to find rotting watermelon in a bowl on the top shelf and the whole bottom level is covered with seltzer and apple juice. Luckily, I fit everything on the top shelf, minus the watermelon.

Leaving, I see an old friend and chat a bit about mysteries before leaving, thinking, "I still have to get mustard and mayo so maybe I should stop at Home Depot and return the garage door opener that doesn't work. Oh, wait, Verizon is right there, I'll go there first and see if they will fix my phone."

I tool down to Verizon and happily begin to cruise into a parking space. For grins, I read the hours on the door. They close at 8 p.m. It was 8:20 p.m.

I cross the street to Home Depot and go to the returns desk. I see Bruce heading away from the desk and the other person is tied up with a complicated something. So I wait, patiently.

Bruce strolls back to the register.
"I'd like to return this garage door opener." Meanwhile, I look at the receipt inwardly gulping because I had no idea that I had paid $33!

"Is there something wrong with it?"
"It doesn't work." He gives me a "how dumb are you?" look.
"Is there something wrong with it or does it not open only your door."
"I don't know. I didn't try to open anybody else's door."

He must have realized how the conversation was going because he said, 'See, if it's broken I have to give it a code.' He not only gave it a code, but he also gave it a green sticker!

By now, I'm a bit weary. After work, I had come home and put on shorts but didn't eat a real supper. Anyway, as I cruise around the Home Depot lot (apparently, it's too simplistic to put a sign that says THIS WAY OUT), I'm thinking, "I'll go to Whole Foods and get mayo and mustard for tomorrow. Oh, wait. Do they actually HAVE mayo? As in made with eggs and oil and preservatives.  We're talking rank and file tastes here.

Then it dawns on me: Walmart is even closer! And while we don't have one with a supermarket, they do have some necessities such as cookies and chips. (Give me a break -- it's the Five College area.) I'll bet they have mayo and mustard!

I grab mayo (Hellman's no less) and two kinds of mustard. I got little jars but I couldn't just buy yellow mustard (which I don't like at all) so the second kind is Polish spicy brown mustard. And I walk rapidly to the register where a young couple is putting about 15 items on the register conveyor belt.

"New apartment?" I asked. "Sort of." They are both RAs at Umass and they have a shared kitchen.  Holly rings everything up and then the female says, "I have a tax exempt credit card." 

Holly looks like she is about to cry and begins to stutter saying, "I should have put that number in first and then rung the items up." She looks so distressed as if she is about to faint that I said, "Breathe. It will be o.k."

So she calmed down and figured she could get Bill to fix it. She calls him on the phone and we wait for him to come to the register. And we wait. And we wait. By the way, Holly is the ONLY cashier. And we wait some more. Unfortunately, Bill cannot make it all better and Holly will have to re-ring the items.

Luckily, Bill takes me and the people behind me at another register. I hand him my American Express that I was not going to use, but that's where the Home Depot guy had put my credit. The card was declined. Yes, the card that just happily took a $33 credit was declined. The card with a zero balance (I paid it off two days ago) was declined. I whipped out another card and all was well. I'm thinking that I need to dig out the new Amex card I got -- but it doesn't have my picture on it ... 

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Last weekend, I had the privilege of being a delegate to the Massachusetts United Church of Christ Annual Meeting. It was exhilarating and tiring and I loved it. We voted on some policy issues and the budget, we had some preaching, and an actual church service with communion (for about 200 people). 

When we entered the main auditorium (at UMass Campus Center), there was a huge Scrabble board with the word BOLD on it. I'm talking about ten feet by ten feet. Each letter might have been 8 inches tall. Toward the beginning, they had a video on a big screen that consisted of frame by frame shots of Scrabble tiles moving to form words. (It got really annoying after three minutes and it seemed to go on forever.) After each section of the conference, they added words to the giant Scrabble board.  

I loved the networking lunch where I met people from all over the state. Our table's topic was integrating new members with long time members.

We had a special guest preacher from Chicago -- the Reverend Moss III. He was funny when he thanked us for inviting him to the Annual Meeting and Scrabble Convention.

And there were 4 rooms (your room corresponded to a section of the alphabet which contained the first letter of your last name, although I'm sure if you used the last letter of your first name, no one would have been the wiser) and each room had people who would speak and tell their story. 

The first story I heard was from a gay man from Uganda. Did you know that gay people are put to death in Uganda? I didn't. His story was compelling and horrible. It included his being tossed into jail and tortured and raped. He got out somehow to find out that his house had been burned down, killing his partner. He finally made his way to Worcester, MA where a UCC church took him in. They have sponsored 130 such refugees from many foreign places. 

There were many more stories in keeping with the theme of "Be Bold." I think what they were really getting at is, 'Be bold and take risks to help others, spread love and the love of Christ.' 

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The Wednesday before last weekend, Cyndi and I ate a lovely dinner at Johnny's Tavern in Amherst. 20% of the sales that night were given to the Senior Center.

After that I drove and we went to the West Whately Watermelon Wednesdays. (Try saying THAT fast!) Cyndi had copied the directions from their web site. We were on Route 91 north only for a few minutes and we drove and drove through the forest primevil, up a mountain, around curves, over bridges, on unpaved roads which ended up being paved ... and then, before we had run out of directions, poof! the little chapel with 50 wooden seats appeared and we were there. We said hello to the cows across the two lane road and went in to hear a masterful cellist.

During intermission, a long table with a watermelon cloth had been set outside on the grass. Running down the middle was a zillion wedges of juicy watermelon. There were pitchers with spigots for water. It was quite lovely. 

When the concert finally ended around 9:30 p.m. the stars were out, but the prettiest part of the evening was the plethora of lightning bugs. They were everywhere looking beautiful against the black night. (There were no artificial lights until the car headlights came on.)

It was a lovely evening and I'd go back in a minute. But I would definitely have to bring a pillow as those in the know did. Two hours on a wooden chair is very hard on the bones! 

We Have Seen the Enemy and They Is Us! -- Pogo

Yes, it's Sunday and I'm supposed to be out in the garden doing more weeding. I did some yesterday and almost couldn't move in the afternoon. It's, believe it or not, 62 degrees and windy which means CHILLY!

Anyway, Emily and I had a grand time yesterday.  Lunch (below):

Needless to say, the above burgers are before cooking. Each is a quarter pound of hamburger with shredded cheese in the middle bound by a strip of bacon with a peppered top on the bacon. 

We went to see "The Nice Guys" at the movies and I thought it was an instant cult classic of rollicking good fun. (I didn't like the violence, but even that became very campy.) Emily didn't like it and in fact said, "That was an awful movie!" She said she didn't understand it -- probably because it was set in 1977. There were references to Laurel and Hardy, references to Miami Vice, and a lot of pop culture that I remember but is just weird to 30 somethings.

Another scene from my unwritten movie: Emily and I sit at the bar at the Texas Roadhouse in Hadley. I order a tequila shot (Patron of course) and the very noisy bar goes silent. What really happened was the 30 something on my left said, "Really? You go, Girl!" Emily had to say, 'Oh, she sips it.' So I asked Emily what the big deal is when I order a shot and she informed me because everyone thinks I'm going to knock it back. In my opinion, the only reason people do that is to get drunk and I like to taste the tequila and not get drunk. (Besides, who can afford to get drunk in a bar any more? That one shot was $7.50! Maybe there should be senior citizen discounts for shots because we need it more and we know how to drink.)

We picked up a few things and Home Depot and I now have LED lights in the living room. A while back I let some young bright eyed kid install energy saving lights. I haven't been able to see anything since. Hopefully, this will be better. Shortly after installing the new bulbs, I was cleaning the papers off my kitchen counter in order to recycle them. Yeah, yeah, it took me over an hour and I still have a pile to go through. I think bills should be like the beginning of mission impossible: after you read them, they go poof! and disappear.

Anyway, among the detrius I find an envelope from the electric company. I have to say I HATE, not dislike, HATE these missives. It's the one where 'the perfect electricity customer' uses X amount of kw hours, you use this amount, and your neighbors use this amount. I hate being compared to my neighbors! I don't give a flying f ... well, you know ... what my neighbors use. Do they take into consideration that my neighbors don't read? Do they factor in the neighbors who are too snooty to own a TV? Huh, huh, huh? 

I have been catching up on Scandal on Netflix. It's supposedly outrageous, but there have been so many Presidents with mistresses (starting with Eisenhower in my memory), that it's not really all that outrageous. Poor Melly -- the First Lady -- has to embody all of the bad traits and misery of all of the previous First Ladies. (She lost a child, she drinks, she goes a little crazy, etc.)

Well, I'm off to make shimp fettucine alfredo. If anything happens before 60 Minutes, I'll let you know!


https://www.facebook.com/CBSBoston/videos/10154250504017010/

Gilty Pleasures

Yes, I spelled that correctly. I spent 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. gilding a hand made frame. Bill Myers and his assistant, Tatiana, milled and built the frames. (It's about 9.5 inches wide and about 11.5 inches tall.) Each was a bit different and mine was less ornate than some which was fine with me. However, this gilded frame seems to call out for an icon or at least a painting of someone with a halo!

The frame is really too shiny, even though I kind of like the bling. It needs to be burnished and then sealed with something so that it doesn't tarnish. It's not 24 carat gold, it's gold foil which is a combination of copper and gold.

The workshop was paid for by the Friends of the Jones Library so I got everything for FREE! (The packets of gold foil are about $50.) We used brushes to tap the gold into the crevices. There had been two steps before we saw the frames with gesso and "Nice," which is something tacky that the gold adheres to. I can't wait for my email of directions and products that I need to finish this!

Thank you, Cyndi, for arranging the whole wonderful workshop!

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Yup, I'm loving my "as seen on TV" bacon cooker. This is after 8 minutes in the microwave.

Can you say, "Yummy!"?

So, of course, that got me in the mood for supper.

I fried some mushrooms and onions in some of the bacon fat -- to go with a steak! I really am suffering on this WOE (way of eating) -- not! The only real carbohydrates are in the onions and it was my first of the day. 

Yes, the mushrooms are huge! I got them at Costco where everything is BIG. I may go to Aldi's tomorrow and get some ground beef and stuff the mushrooms.

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The Saga of the Mini Blinds -- or How I Am Losing My Mind

I'll try to make this a bit shorter. It was hot. Neither of the two blinds in my bedroom would stay up. I had to lash them to my bureau knobs.

Went to Walmart the next day after measuring the existing blinds and bought two new ones. Both were too small.

Went back to Walmart the next day, exchanged for the right size and added a bathroom mini blind. That one only stays at a 60 degree angle.

Got home and realized it had 2 in the package for the bathroom. Went back to Walmart. No, they were two inch, not two in a package. I didn't want them because they are faux wood and heavy, so I just exchanged them for a credit. That was last night.

Tonight I went to put up the first mini blind in my bedroom. It will not open up. I pull on the cord and nothing happens. The blind stays in the shape of the box (about 4 inches). Somebody is trying to tell me something. I'm sure the first part is, "Put in the hose to the stand alone a.c. unit and forget about mini blinds. But the second part is a mystery. 

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Speaking of yesterday, Cyndi and I went to see "Love and Friendship" which is the movie based on Jane Austen's novella, Lady Susan.  It was pretty funny in spots but there wasn't really any plot. Some of the language did not seem right for the period -- it was set in 1871 and the characters seem to speak to frankly about many subjects, particularly affairs of the heart.

But it was colorful and a fun romp. We saw it at the Amherst Cinema and I think there were only 50 seats -- if that -- in the theater. 

They had a really nice filmed promo telling us why they are raising funds to go solar. It was very well produced. But they didn't have another to tell people to turn off their cell phones. I heard at least 3 cell phones go off during the movie. Now I understand being forgetful -- I am the Queen of Forgetful, but geez! Both Cyndi and I had left our phones in our cars. That way you don't need to worry about turning it off. Just about all of the audience seemed to be senior citizens except for Cyndi and 4 young people doing a 'pick your seat' dance. That kind of cell phone oblivion gives us all a bad name.