Cookies, Cookies Everywhere

I learned a very important lesson last night: Don't buy things you can't read.  I was seduced by thin, chocolate-looking, scalloped-edged cookies.  After a hard first day back at work after vacation, I sat down with a cup of tea and the cookies.

The brand is U(with an umlaut)lker and they are Kakaolu Bisku ('nother umlaut)vi.

With great anticipation, I decided to try the top broken cookie.  And they taste like .......... nothing.  That's right, nothing.  Although they do have a nice crunch so I decided to dunk them.  Ahhh ... that was good.

You have to use a proper dunking technique: dunk, twist, lift.  That ensures that the soggy part of the cookie makes it to your mouth.  I enjoyed a nice couple of cookies, but then I got cocky and delayed too long between twist and lift.  Yuck.  Cookie matter floated in my tea.  I survived, but barely.

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So tonight after work, I go to pick up essentials such as dish washing soap.  Bummer, eh?  Anyway, I hand the card to the cashier.  Our local supermarket hands out variously colored "coins" which get you money off future purchases.  But to "earn" a coin, you press a game after they swipe your card and it's random as to whether you get a coin.  I pressed "play" and it said ENTER YOUR PHONE NUMBER TO FIND CARD.  I asked the cashier why it said that.  She said, "Because your card is expired."  It's a silver card and the silver coins are supposed to go right to the card.

The last time I was there, I threw out the other card because they told me it wouldn't work since I had a silver card.  So I said to her, "How do I get this card un-expired?"  She said, "It costs $20."

Now I know for a fact that I never paid $20 for the card -- but one day they gave it to me for free.  I kept saying no, I don't want to pay $20 and, apparently, so did a lot of other people.  "I threw out the old card because they told me it didn't work because I had this card."

"You mean the flag card?" she asked.(The other card had an American flag pattern on it.)  "Yes, I said, " I threw that one out because they told me it didn't work any more."  At this point, I was ready to become violent.  "Will they give me a new flag card at the desk over there?"

"You don't need it!" she said, "because this one works.  You just won't get the silver coins automatically."

Now is it me or does "expired" mean it won't work?  Apparently, not in this situation.  Sigh. I really, really hope that this young lady is not going to school to become a brain surgeon.

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I answered the phone yesterday.

"Do you have a Joyce (not her real name) who works there and is in charge of buildings?"

"No."

"Well, let me tell you why I'm calling.  I'm in charge of planning a party and we want to know if we can rent your back yard for the pony we're going to have.  Can we do that?"

[While not a huge library, the Jones Library IS in the middle of Town and "the back yard" is a memorial garden lovingly constructed by a widow with a lot of money and knowledge of rare plants and trees.  The thought of a pony calming munching on blooms surrounded by many vinca trampling rug rats appeared in my brain.]

"No!"

After further conversation, I realized that she should have called the Bangs Center because the Town owns the building and property of the Munson Memorial Library -- we just rent the library space.  This person had garbled the information and Joyce actually works at the Bangs and books the hall (notice I did not say yard) for the Munson.

After she hung up, I wondered who would be the pooper scooper for the pony.  I sure hope that isn't what they mean by "Other duties as assigned," which is on the bottom of every Town job description.

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Two people told me today that there is a bobcat living in South Amherst.  I live in South Amherst, but this guy was spotted couple of miles east of here.  Anyway, it's salamander season and another phone call (not to me) began with, "Where do I let it go?!?"  Upon hearing this, I wondered if she meant her temper, her flatulence, or what?  Turns out, she was talking about a salamander.

Put him near the tunnel!  Yes, we do have a salamander tunnel.  But I digress ... really, there is a train of thought here.  It's the tracks that are convoluted.  IF the woman put the salamander in eastern south Amherst and the bobcat ate him, the bobcat could be enjoying an old standard: surf and turf!

Phew. It took a while to get there, didn't it?

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O.k. I'm going to go now and eat the chili I just made.  I'm putting some salsa picante on it.  I know what that means: yum!